Gradual Healing

It has now been almost 9 weeks since our accident and the loss of Ryan. Physically we are both almost 100%. My abdominal incision is almost entirely closed, which is like my own little Easter miracle! You have no idea what it is like to have to spend time each day dressing your open abdominal wound...and I pray you never have to know! I still have some pain associated with the broken collar bone, and I also always have a stiff neck and shoulders. Jason is doing great...he competed in his first race since the accident last weekend, and finished in 5 hours 40 minutes, just 17 minutes off his best time. I was so proud of him when he crossed the finish line!

I have started to take my spinning classes again, trying to lose some of the baby weight. Although my stomach is almost healed, it looks really strange. Since I was pregnant before my hysterectomy, my skin was stretched and I had a lot of extra tissue in my abdomen. When my muscle layer was sewn closed, my stomach was still all swollen from the pregnancy and the trauma. Now that the skin and tissue have gone back down to normal...aw geez, there's no delicate way to put this....my stomach looks like a butt. I have two pockets of skin and fat on either side of my scar. So, my goal is to get back down to my pre-pregnancy weight and then go in and take to a plastic surgeon to see if they can do anything for me to make my stomach look a little more normal. I'd like to wear a bikini again someday, but right now it ain't happening!

We still get so sad about what's happened that we cry together, and I tear up about some aspect of our loss several times a day. We are gradually beginning to feel a little more normalcy creeping back into our lives, though. Healing is a slow process, but it's happening.

Jason and I feel like, despite our recent tragedy and the obstacles we now face, God wants us to try to have more children. We miss our little Ryan so much and grieve his loss, but we know that he wouldn't want us to let our losing him cripple us.

Our two options now are adoption or IVF through surrogacy (using my egg and Jason's sperm to make an embryo that is then transferred into a surrogate's uterus). I have done a lot of research on adoption, and we have an appointment to talk with a fertility doctor on the 20th to see if we would be good candidates for surrogacy. We want to be really educated on both of our options and follow where we think God is leading us before we make a decision.

We leave on Wednesday to head to Orlando. Jason has some meetings there for work, so we are going to get to take Jack for his first trip to Disney World! We are looking forward to spending some family time together.

So please keep us in your prayers, and enjoy your Easter!