Sometimes when I'm playing with my kids, like with all of you moms, something especially sweet will happen. Or they look at me a particular way with their sweet little faces that looks a lot like mine. When times like this happen, I will close my eyes real tight and try and take a little snapshot of that moment in my mind. I will tell myself "Remember this. You won't want to forget. Memories like this is what will make your time in the nursing home so much sweeter." Haha. I can't tell you how many times I've done what I just described to you. But now, sitting here in my bed typing...when I close my eyes I can only remember one of those times. Even with my elephant memory, I can only remember one. It was the fall, the weather had just gotten cool. Sarah was a little over a year and Jack was four. She looked so cute in a white sweater dress and was so happy slapping at bubbles with her chubby hand that I was blowing towards her. He would run up behind and get all the ones she missed. Out of the countless times I've willed myself to remember, that is the only one that has stuck.
My kids are getting so old it seems. Sarah is about to turn 4 and Jack is almost 7 1/2. I've been a parent for almost a decade. A DECADE. Sometimes it still feels like its 1996, but whatever. Hahaha. A few days ago my little girl started to ask me a bunch of questions. She had been talking to her cousin. She came downstairs to me and asked me about how she was born. "Mom, did I grow in Kenzie's mom's tummy?" I said "Yes, you did. Mommy's tummy was broken, but Kenzie's mommy's tummy wasn't, so she grew you in her tummy for me. But who's YOUR mommy Sarah?" She said "You are, Mommy!!" with this huge, lit up smile on her face.
She's not old enough to understand the why and the how behind it all. But she is old enough to understand who her Mommy is and how much she loves her. So I got out my laptop and pulled up this blog and showed her for the first time the pictures of the day she was born. All the love and excitement that was in that room, how happy we all were. Jason and I, Andrew and Rachel, and my doctor. Just so happy. She giggled and laughed as she looked at them all. And as I scrolled down, I came to the first picture of her and her brother together. Like all little kids, she has no concept of age or time. She thinks that the day she entered the world, Jack did too. But there they were on the screen, sweet 3 year old Jack holding his new 5 pound baby sister. And I read to her the caption I had typed with the picture.
He kept introducing himself to her this morning. "My name is Jack. I'm three years old."
My elephant memory had completely forgotten his words. After I read them to her I teared up instantly, remembering the sweetness of him introducing himself so politely to his sister over and over and over again. And I knew, right that moment, that I needed to quit depending solely on my elephant memory to remind me of these times. Even one as good as mine can't hold all of the happy that comes to us in our lifetime. But a blog.....now that can help me remember. So, here I am. Back again. Not for anybody else. Not so people will read and think I'm witty or that I have it all together. Just to help my inner elephant. Recording memories that will make my time in the nursing home so much sweeter. Sigh.
At the Children's Museum a couple of months ago.
1 comment:
Loved it.
Love, Mom
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