But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them--yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me.

1 Cor 15:10 (Emphasis mine. As always.)

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Crying and Breathing

Warning: I'm about to step onto my soap box.  Ahem....

I am a self-diagnosed highly sensitive and highly emotional individual.  All of the women in my family are.  We cry and are tender hearted and wear our hearts on our sleeves.  If we're frustrated, sad, annoyed, angry, or hormonal...we cry.  Some people get angry, others withdraw.  Some drink or smoke when they're tense or struggling.  We cry.  All of us, from Gramma down to my little girl.  And people just DO NOT know how to handle that.  I mean for real, when I start to cry in public or in front of the wrong person, I might as well have just instantly contracted mad cow disease.  The general public just can't handle a girl who cries.  They stumble over their words and get a look on their face like they would rather run lightning fast in the other direction leaving a trail of dust behind them.   Just to get away from the awkwardness of the crier.  Well, my friends.  I am here to tell you that us criers, we are not crazy.  We don't need to be coddled or treated like we're fragile.  We don't need to be feared.  And being a crier is not contagious!!  We just leak.  We show our emotions for everyone to see, rather than bottling them up or throwing them across the room in a fit of anger.  So for goodness sakes, just grab our hand and look us in the eye and talk to us like you would if we were dry-eyed.  Thankyouverymuch.

Now, I know this might be a lot to ask :) ....but click on these links for me.  Listen to these songs. These are two songs that make me leak.  And for those who don't know me or haven't seen me in a while, maybe they'll give you a little insight into my mind right now, the joy and love and sadness that are all wrapped up in there.  A beautiful combination that, right now anyway, make me...well....me.

This song I heard tonight on the news.  I cried listening to it.  Cried when I found it on YouTube.  It's exactly what I want after I'm gone.  I want Him to tell me "Well done my sweet girl.  Well done."

And this one.  This song is a pretty dark and twisty (to quote Grey's Anatomy).  I'm a happy, optimistic, glass half full kinda girl.  But sometimes I think really deep and get introspective.  And this morning while I was doing my hair for church I listened to the lyrics of this song for the first time.  It made me think of how my mind is sometimes.....how it fills with things the enemy is trying to tempt me with and just feels so full and clouded.  And it made me think of this blog and my prayer journal, and how they're the outlet for all of those dark and twisty thoughts, so I can keep being my glass half full self. (And as a disclaimer...don't listen to this and start any dumb rumors girls.  Haha.  It's not an autobiography of my thoughts, except for her verse about songwriting.)

Breathe (2 am)

2 am and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it down on paper, its no longer inside of me
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand
and breathe, just breathe.

So to my criers out there, you've got a friend in me.  Toy Story style.  :)  Just call me up if you need somebody to hold your hand and talk to you like you're dry eyed.


Brenda said...

Got room on that soap box? Please move over and make room for me...those of us who lead with our hearts are the ones most likely to be hurt but we are also the ones that people know they can come to when they need an open heart to listen to and hear them.
Yes, I'm a crier and I lead with my heart, always have, always will. This is exactly how God designed me to be and He doesn't make mistakes.
Love you...Mom

Kelsey Falzon said...

I always have room. Thank you mamma. Love you....K